Synthesis
Improving the quality of your life by enabling change from the inside out.
As a Psychosynthesis Executive Leadership Coach with further qualifications in systemic and embodiment disciplines, I often work with clients at the level of subpersonalities. We will all recognise the fixer aspect of our personality. That part of ourselves that analyses situations and knows exactly what needs to be changed in order to fix a problem.
The poem below by Jeff Foster can be read from the perspective of the subpersonality that the fixer wants to change (from within the individual) or between individuals or groups.
STOP TRYING TO FIX ME, LOVE ME INSTEAD
Please, don't try to fix me. I am not broken. I have not asked for your solutions.
When you try to fix me, you unintentionally activate deep feelings of unworthiness, shame, failure, even suicidal self-doubt within me. I can't help it. I feel like I have to change to please you, transform myself just to take away your anxiety, mend myself to end your resistance to the way I am. And I know I can't do that, not on your urgent timeline anyway. You put me in an impossible bind. I feel so powerless.
I know your intentions are loving! I know you really want to help. You want to serve. You want to take away people's pain when you see it. You want to uplift, awaken, caretake, educate, inspire. You truly believe that you are a positive, compassionate, unselfish, nice, good, kind, pure, spiritual person.
But I want you to know, honestly, friend, I feel like a steaming pile of shit when you try to 'love' me in this old way. It doesn't feel loving to me at all. Quite the opposite. It feels like you're trying to relieve your own tension by controlling me. Under the guise of you being 'kind' and 'helpful' and 'spiritual', I feel suffocated, smothered, rejected, shamed, and completely unloved. I feel abandoned in your love! Do you get that? I feel like you don't actually care about ME, even though on the surface it sure looks like you care! But deep down it feels like you are holding an image of how I should be. Your image. Not mine!
It looks like your love but it feels like your violence. Do you understand?
Yet as soon as you stop trying to 'help' me, you are of the greatest help to me! I stop trying to change to please you! I feel safe, respected, seen, honoured for what I am. I can fall back into my own power. I can trust myself again, the way you are trusting me. I can relax deeply.
Without your pressure, your demand for me to abandon myself and be different, healed, transformed, enlightened, awakened, mended, 'better', I can better see myself. I can discover my own inner resources. I can touch my own powerful presence. I feel safe enough to allow and express my true feelings, thoughts, desires, hold my own perceptions. I no longer feel smothered, a victim, a little child to your expert adult. The courageous adult in me rises. I breathe more deeply. I feel my feet on the ground. Loving attention drenches my experience, even the uncomfortable parts. My senses feel less dull. Healing energies emerge from deep within. I feel light, free, liberated from your fear. I feel respected, not shamed. Seen, not compared to an image.
You help me so much when you stop trying to help me, friend! I need my own answers, my own truth, not yours. I want a friend, present and real, not an expert or a saviour.
And do you see, when you are trying to save me, you are actually abandoning yourself? You are running from your own discomfort, your own unlived potential, and focussing on mine? I become your ultimate distraction. I don't want to be that for you anymore.
Let's break this cycle together! Let's stop trying to fix or save each other. Let's love each other instead. Bow to each other. Bless each other. Hold each other. As we are. As we actually, actually, actually are."
- Jeff Foster
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WHAT MY CLIENTS SAY
"Sarah enabled a integrative process in understanding both the complexities and the difficulties of creating a sustainable global future and the environment I am working in from a “head” level and from my own embodied knowing. She helped me identify portals where I could interact with the complex system of a university. She also focused me on identifying and aligning with my personal evolutionary purpose and asked me to examine where and how there was discord with my existing working environment (and how this felt in an embodied way) .
This profoundly helped me design the kind of tools I use to help policymakers navigate the complexity of this work. Using psychosynthesis coaching she provided both methods to support the work (recognising that the integration and collaboration is central to my work) which supported the development of the action lab model I use to co-create sustainable policy and practice with governments around the world."
Rowan Conway
"I came across this quote: “Helping one person might not change the whole world, but it could change the world for one person!” I am that one person who is so thankful her life has been changed by meeting Sarah. Sarah’s such a kind understanding non-judgmental soul, and I know she has the ability to change many more lives for the better. Sarah’s professional support has been life changing for me. I came to her in such anguish, and now I am free of physical pain, able to cope on an emotional level and work successfully within my business. Synthesis transformation meets its promise, Sarah is the most wonderful person and I am so thankful she is in my life."
Ann Layzell
"We both enjoyed the yoga classes. Sometimes challenging and with rests after each pose we felt we really began to relax and stretch out tight areas that once seem impossible to get to. The breath work really helped us to relax & focus and we were both left keen for more. Sarah encourages in a very sensitive manner to push through barriers that over time we have created for ourselves. I now understand I am Stronger than I ever thought! Thank you Sarah"